Support A Loved One Struggling With An Eating Disorder

Jul 20

Written by Tiffany Lepa, MA, NCC, LPC-Associate

Learning that someone you love has an eating disorder is undoubtedly hard. You might feel scared, worried, sad, angry, uncomfortable, powerless, overwhelmed, or confused. All of these feelings are absolutely valid. If you’ve landed on this page, you’re probably looking for ways to support and wondering “What can I do to help?” You are in the right place. Eating disorders thrive in isolation, and social support is crucial to recovery.

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Learn more about eating disorders. Knowledge is key! It is important to understand the signs and symptoms of eating disorders, which are often misunderstood or misrepresented. A good place to start is our Eating Disorder Therapy page where we break down common myths about eating disorders and highlight common eating disorders.
Examine your own biases and diet culture practices. Many eating disorders begin as a diet. In fact, it is estimated that at least 1 in 4 dieters will go one to develop an eating disorder. We live in a society that equates weight loss, thin bodies, and “healthy” eating with superiority. This is known as diet culture, and unfortunately, most of us unknowingly participate in it which can inadvertently impact a loved one’s recovery.

The first step is to examine your relationship with your body and food. Get curious without judgment. Do you associate certain body types with being “better” or “worse” than others? Do you allow yourself to eat intuitively or are some foods off limits? Are you dieting frequently or making unhelpful comments about your own body? Do you participate in intuitive movement rather than exercising to attain a certain physique?
Avoid weight talk (especially numbers), commenting on other people’s bodies, talking about diets, labeling foods, or criticizing your body. These can all be triggering to someone in recovery. Be gentle on yourself - this isn’t common knowledge and it takes time to break out of these beliefs!
Validate and support. Listen with the intent to understand, not to fix the problem. Remember that addressing this is difficult and that your loved one is not their disorder nor a problem to fix. It can feel urgent to get your loved one the support they need, but entering recovery is terrifying, so it’s no surprise that you may be met with resistance, silence, or anger. Remember, eating disorders are not a choice.
Don’t expect perfection from yourself or your loved one. Patience is key. Recovery is not linear and often involves relapse. You might not always do or say the best thing, even if you have good intentions. Give yourself and your loved one compassion and grace.
Get help and support for yourself. Starting therapy or joining a support group for the loved ones of those struggling with eating disorders can connect you with others in the same position as you. Groups are an amazing place to learn new perspectives, gain knowledge, resonate with others in order to feel less alone, and to develop hope. The National Alliance for Eating Disorders has groups specifically designed for family and loved ones that are being offered virtually at this time.
Avoid the blame game. The eating disorder is not your loved one’s fault. It’s not your fault either. As humans, we want to understand and we want answers! It helps us feel in control when we can place the blame somewhere, but it is more nuanced than that.
Help them build a treatment team. It’s not all on you. Recovery requires a variety of support systems, not just one person. It is important to advocate for and stress the importance of your loved one getting help from a dietitian, informed mental healthcare provider, and physician. Of course, this can be super overwhelming for them. Be there to help out during the process of building a team.
Ask. It may sound simple, but just ask your loved one what they need from you. They might need you to eat a meal with them. They might just want to go out and have fun with you and not think about their ED. These are all important parts of recovery. Asking demonstrates empathy, respects their autonomy, and opens an ongoing dialogue.

If you’re looking for additional support for yourself or your loved one, reach out to us so we can connect you with the team member who can best suit your needs. You are not alone in this, and we are ready to help!