4 Tips to Protect Your Mental Health During the Holidays
Written by Tiffany Lepa, NCC, LPC-Associate
If you’re feeling blue this time of year, you’re not alone. Despite a flood of messages to celebrate, be joyful, and participate in the merriment of the season around the winter holidays, feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression increase. The expectation of this being a happy time of year opens up space for comparison, “shoulding” on ourselves, and feeling like there’s something wrong with ourselves for being more grinch than merry.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness estimates that around 64% of people already struggling with mental health issues experience an increase in symptoms around the holidays. Additionally, it’s important to note that not everyone celebrates winter holidays. Making these assumptions can lead to feelings of being left out, isolated, and frustrated. With winter comes the phenomenon of “holiday blues” as well as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). With the sun setting earlier, cold weather making outdoor activities more difficult, and the natural process of fall and winter being a time of rest and reflection, individuals are predisposed to needing to slow down, yet society makes that difficult.
There are myriad reasons why the winter holidays contribute to mental health distress.
College students having to go home to homophobic, transphobic, or non-affirming family members
Bereavement and missing a loved one who has passed
Someone experiencing perinatal loss witnessing other parents having the privilege of experiencing first moments with their children
Being thrown back into a religious family or setting after experiencing a faith transition, questioning, or religious trauma
Financial stress with gift-giving, taking time off from work, or not being able to take time off from work
Facing family and friends after a divorce or a breakup
Packed schedules with work, family, friends, and spiritual celebrations and no time to slow down to rest
Food-centered celebrations and diet culture messages in the New Year when recovering from an eating disorder
Grieving relationships you wish you had with parents, siblings, immediate and extended family, etc.
Adult children returning to households still filled with dysfunction
The holidays can be triggering, period. There are ways to survive this season, however. It can also be a time to try out new skills you’ve learned in therapy if you feel ready. The following tips can help you navigate holiday stressors to the best of your ability.
Set reasonable and realistic expectations. Don’t expect heartwarming Hallmark movie moments. It’s important to give yourself grace, compassion, and gentleness. If you’re not ready to set firm boundaries with family, that’s ok. If you’re ready to test the waters, that’s fine too! You might not have the emotional bandwidth to actively be assertive or have difficult conversations. It’s important to listen to your needs.
Have a self-care plan in place. Consult with a therapist to come up with a plan for navigating this time of year. Some things to consider including are affirmations for when unhelpful thoughts creep in or come from others, a list of coping tools that have worked for you (ie., journaling, taking a walk, watching cute animal videos, taking a fidget tool with you, breathing exercises, etc.), and people who you can reach out to in time of need. Having regular check-ins with a loved one who feels safe can provide accountability, consistency, and social connection. It’s also important to identify your boundaries, find ways to communicate them, and decide how to respond to boundary violations.
Anticipate your stressors, triggers, and warning signs. Be prepared for what might happen. For example, if you know that your sister might make comments about your weight or food choices, plan for how you might respond in the moment. Will you engage? Ignore? Set a boundary? Leave the room? If you’re concerned about getting stuck in a difficult situation and would like the option to leave, drive on your own. Check in with your body and listen for when it’s needing rest or a break. How does your body communicate with you? Do you notice feeling irritable? Tightness in your chest? Physical exhaustion? Muscle tension? An uneasy stomach? These could be signs you’re needing to take a break or have exceeded your threshold for distress tolerance.
Honor your feelings and your needs. It’s okay to not enjoy this time of year. It’s okay to experience a mix of feelings like joy but also grief or anger and frustration. Allow yourself to rest, to say no, and to set boundaries even if they defy others’ expectations or if you feel like you should be feeling a certain way or continuing to follow unhelpful patterns. Affirmations can help in validating your experiences. “This is temporary.” “I’m doing the best I can given the circumstances.” “I am enough.” Place them in a visible space as a physical reminder.
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